Comparison & Competition

In the context of Women Collaborating in Re-Imagining ME & WE, two words continue to float around my awareness: Comparison & Competition.

Last year I started to explore these in a blog called of the  three deadly C's of Collaboration for women that must be explored as we Re-Imagine ME & WE.

Funny....I did not complete my post on this..And...I started this post last week on the heels of our current Re-Imagining ME & WE exploration of Pain and control....just NOW, getting around to publishing it. 

It's time when it's time.

As we dove into our current inConversation experience of Re-Imagining ME & WE many threads were revealed. Some grounded in the practicality of living and others flying high in the ethers of vision. Both essential in our exploration and Re-Imagining Process. Many insights fuelled our growth. One that emerged that has stayed with me, is competition.

pain & control in the context of "ME & WE"

pain & control in the context of "ME & WE"


Subtle threads of how I engage pain & control on the "inner" and "outer" landscape of life were illuminated.

This work, is NOT for the faint of heart. They are designed to get at the "roots of what keeps us stuck in our own version of wash, rinse, repeat".

For me, I feel a potent twin of competition, is comparison.

Unexplored, deeply "packed away" conversations of how pain has indeed been a motivator for me surfaced. On one level, pain being a key motivator to pull in on mySelf (form of "inner control"); another, habitual application of slowing mySelf down strategies ("inner control" mechanisms, distraction an example. Another feeds an inner narrative of I don't know enough yet, another and one of my favourites, denial of what is present in the now). On the external terrain, this emerges with a lot of energy directed towards managing circumstances and conditions outside of mySelf. WOOH! That was just from conversation one!

I heard & felt the emergence of three considerations last Tuesday:

  • What if pain was an invitation?
  • What if pain was motivation to grow?
  • What if I viewed and framed pain as an indicator that it is time to grow?

Essentially, an invitation to welcome pain as an intelligent messenger of the soul calling my next layer of becoming. Sounds simple...and not necessarily easy or fun!!

Lots more insights emerged.


Today, I am interested in exploring comparison & competition. Not fully formed in my understanding, and yet, calling me to dive into this exploration with you here.


  • where/ when you first became aware of comparison & competition in your life?
  • how did this play out in your ME & WE with your siblings? With your friends? With other women in your profession and work environment?
  • how does this continue to influence your ME & WE?

My core desire in my work is to contribute to women working well together. In this ME & WE, there is much to be brought into the "light of day". Many layers to be named, claimed and digested so we might stand in a different place. It is in this "different place", our perception shifts. What we see and choose isn't solely different, rather, the eyes, our "senses" are different. My hope is that here together, we'll thrive, expand beyond our drive to survive in the duality of win / lose. We'll empower and embody our spirit (which is non-dual in nature) to lead the next wave of our becoming.


Call me an idealist, many have. And yet today, I'd suggest I am at my core a realist. The reality I see, feel and experience is the by-product of conversations and collectives being formed and shaped in the "name of something new" and even though many of those doing the shaping maybe "doing their now work", patterns replicate that feed an experience of separation. 


Why is this? 

At our core, we're a species. We share many similarities with other sentient beings. And yet, on many levels we're quite different. This difference invites great opportunity. Choice.

Many of us are quite aware of this critical power we have as human beings, the questions become...


  • Who is the I AM that is choosing?
  • What drives my choices?
  • Where am I standing inSide of mySelf, as I am choosing?
  • What beliefs, values & attitudes must be named, claimed and integrated so that I may choose in alignment with the vision of the world I say I want to co-create?


Last Tuesday we explored how nature flows with her natural intelligence.

From the outside looking in, we may apply our observations of competition. Yes in one way we may view plants and animals in collectives competing for resources to survive.

Are they aware of this? Are they just being their true nature?

  • What might we see from the inSide looking out?

Lots to consider here. Patterns of survival are flowing through our choices in our individual and collective lives all of the time. Most visible during times of change.


Competition, is a survival call. The survival of the fittest archetype that hums just beneath the surface in the current ME & WE Dance. When I take a breath and drop in, diving under this, comparison presents. It offers a force that keep a world view of separation in check. Like an inner control panel alerting me to when I "think"  I am at risk. It chimes in loudly when I "believe" I've failed or am "approaching a perceived failure". If unexamined, it activates most often what I call "my eject button."


For many years I would have said I am not competitive. In truth,  I am very competitive. Not having been named, claimed & integrated, it has intelligently left me in many self-perpetuating, not helpful dances. Dances of manipulation (form of control) to mitigate perceived potential "pain"; dances of habitually engaging the four survival archetypes in their shadow (child, victim, saboteur & prostitute) and "going no where" strategies of denial and distraction. When it all feels too "intense inside", I brilliantly engage what I affectionately call the "eject button" (form of outer landscape control).


All of these are brilliant and predictable. As patterns are. The question become, am I willing to explore these in the "light of day" so that I may grow in my becoming?


Comparison has fed my self doubt, my lack of confidence, my fear of humiliation, my jealousy, my isolation. 


Much has been invited and shared over the past decade around the power of our level of consciousness, our thinking, our limiting beliefs and our world views. There is a plethora of learning available to us all to begin to work with our body, minds and spirits differently. Trust me, I've explore many of these!


Why bother?

A common thread that runs throughout is a call to shift, to expand, to harness our amazing capacity to envision and create, with intention.

The question of the "so what" here, is

the degree to which you're feeling in "harmony" with how your ME & WE dance card is being filled these days.

Whether you "buy in" to these invitations emerging or not, I'd invite you to take a breath and consider how you are engaging in the dance of comparison and competition TODAY, in your ME & WE Dance.

Choose a start versus a stop. Create some space inSide to consider....


What image is your heart calling for here?


What is asking to be released?

What is asking to be empowered and embodied in how you are engaging yourSelf & "other'?