Hidden Barriers to Connection

The Holiday season is fast upon us. For those of us seeking to Re-Imagine ME & WE, “expect” lots of opportunities to experiment with bringing “something different to the party”.

Today I want to invite your consideration of two hidden barriers to connection.

Expectations & Assumptions.

Connection (whether we’ve claimed it as a value or need) is deeply encoded as a core pursuit for all of us on some level.

If we’re not feeling enlivened & empowered in our connections, we must choose to explore deeper than the presenting circumstances and frustrations.

What if the Golden Rule “the principle of treating others as one’s self would wish to be treated” Is only half of the equation?



Where do our expectations & assumptions come from?

There are lots of messages we absorb as we grow in life that guide how our ME & WE experiences, our experience of “relationships” ought to look, feel, taste, smell and sound like!

These messages if left unexplored take root as expectations and assumptions.

They colour our experience , habits & patterns of relating. Whether we’re aware of them or not.


Years ago when I attended my first formal diversity training, I had an ah ha moment regarding the “Golden Rule”…It inspired three great inquiries for me.

  • What if the way that I want to be treated ISN’T the same as how you want to?

  • How could I know how you want to be treated, If I don't ask?

  • How could you know how I want to be treated if I don’t share?


Why go looking for these hidden barriers?

Left unexplored, what we’re left with is a collection of scripts we’ve gathered over our lifetime. The Golden Rule is an important start. Being a presence of LOVE is a powerful intention to embody. And, where the rubber hits the road is, when we face disappointment, frustration & we recognize resentment settling in. Where do we go with these feelings? How do we choose to respond?

Every thought you produce, anything you say, any action you do, it bears your signature..png

Why is the other side of the Golden Rule worth exploring?

The other key side to this principle of relating requires a willingness to choose to be curious when things aren’t feeling like they’re working. To be open to not knowing what we don’t know; to meet another like we’re meeting them for the first time….AND…. to ask ourSelves & EACH OTHER…

  • What expectations do I have here? What expectations do you have?

  • What assumptions am I holding? What assumptions are you holding?

  • What need do I have that isn’t being met? What need do you have that isn’t being met?

From here we can stand in greater clarity, together, about what we EACH will choose next in our dance of ME & WE.


If you’re

  • Struggling in a current dance of ME & WE today in your life, leadership or service;

  • Seeking to cultivate a different ME & WE in all areas of community this holiday season. (Whether intimate partnership, business, work teams, organizations, community groups etc.);

Or maybe just

  • plain tired, frustrated and possibly resigned to struggle and disappointment with your experiences of ME & WE….then

Choose to Re-Imagine a NEW Story of ME & WE. There IS another way!

This is not a magical way, rather an invitation that positions you firmly in the driver’s seat of your ME & WE. Here choice becomes your super-power.

It’s a pathway that requires your choice to engage your work and to know you don’t need to walk alone.

The very nature of Re-Imagining ME & WE requires development in community.

In this container of development awareness of hidden barriers are supported to be revealed, digested & transformed.

Interested in stepping into exploring these hidden barriers today?

Check out this informative video created by Teal Swan. Teal offers a helpful view on how we can create greater clarity around these hidden barriers.


Why bother?

Well until we EACH bring to light the areas that are feeding patterns of relating, we’ll continue to feel powerless to create anything new.

The cultures we continue to grow will struggle to innovate; struggle to grow and continue to foster addictions, disappointment and limit our individual & collective potential!

There is a great sense of liberation, “in”powerment & freedom that rises when we own what is ours and stand firm in choice about what we’re interested in creating TODAY in our dance of ME & WE.

It’s time!