Intuitively you know, your experience of "outsider" must evolve.
You're isolated. Fitting in, isn't viable. Dialing yourself back and wearing "another's cloak", hasn't work.
As a "seeker", you're tired of the relentless pursuit of knowledge for "how to get better".
Nothing seems to stick. Your brain is in overwhelm. Your body tired. Your spirit feels ready.
You're ready to feel "at home in your skin".
What once offered grounding & security, now, slips through your fingers.
You're standing at a cross-roads.
You're aware that how you've navigated change in the past will not support your "big" what's next.
Your passion to make a difference has created debt on many levels.
How you've been "beating the drum of your passion" isn't working. You feel like nothing you're "doing" makes a difference.